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Despite being a Sunday (bizarrely) my brother’s wedding was a typical scenario of too many distant relatives you seemingly meet for the first time. Too young to remember the last encounters before they drift off into oblivion, only to be referenced from time to time by your parents as though reminiscing another life.
The food was pretty bland, I recall that much. It was only a couple weeks ago at the rehearsal that Barney had huffed something about having to cater the menu to all the allergy snowflakes turning up to mooch food and grog. Ah Barney haha. I never pictured him as the kind of guy to settle down. In our circle of friends, he was always the biggest pig when it came to women. Nobody would’ve bet on him being one of the first to have his switch flicked to ‘domestic’. Of course there was Jacob, but he’d been infatuated with Sarah since primary school and they’d been a couple through most of high school. I mean sure, he might be one of ‘the boys’ mixing it up with the best of us but he doesn’t really count when just as often he and Sarah are off on couple’s retreats, or premieres of movies about sparkly vampire wankers.
“Yawwnnn!” I stretch out, god that feels goo… Huh? My foot brushes something solid and… warm!?
I’m perking up a bit now. Eyes still closed because light is the devil but I’m becoming more aware and awake. I slowly move my foot back to the same spot.
Sure enough, my toe rediscovers the earlier object, it’s definitely warm but soft, how odd.
I’m growing more awake with each passing second but still disorientated.
I slowly inch my foot further over the alien object using my sole to create a better picture in my foggy mind.
It’s familiar somehow.. I edge my foot further down.. It’s… I’m struggling now. It’s…
It’s a fucking leg!
I’m definitely awake now, the disorientation turns to confusion.
My eyes still closed, I bring my arm that’s still above my head, down beside me over the blanket.
My hand now at my waist, I gradually ease it toward the other side of the bed. The blanket ascends, definitely concealing something.
With the tips of my fingers I traverse the blanket to its peak.
I let my palm flatten atop the blanket and slightly squeeze.
An almost inaudible… moan?
I caress the spot, hoping to visualise what i’m touching, who am I touching??
They shift position and it becomes clear that I was feeling a hip, now, a cheek!
My mind is racing now. Who is in my bed? I’m reliving the events of the night earlier. The speeches. I made mine first as best man. It was fairly vulgar but resulted in ample laughter. I conclude with a toast and retake my seat at the bridal table, overlooking the sea of faces. There’s a handful of speeches that follow, all resulting in toasts.
The closest table in front of us is dominated by Linda’s family, all gleaming with pride at their blushing daughter and her new husband. Well, all except one. One has been looking in my direction since the speech. It’s not a mistake, we’re making eye contact every time I glance in their direction.
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I mean sure, he might be one of ‘the boys’ mixing it up with the best of us but he doesn’t really count when just as often he and Sarah are off on couple’s retreats, or premieres of movies about sparkly vampire wankers.
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